Korea Patch Kid

Last night my brother and I went to Dodger Stadium for the first of three games of which we have tickets to for the World Baseball Classic. The WBC is essentially the World Cup of baseball. Sixteen teams from all over the world have been playing in stadiums all over the world and now the final four teams are playing for the championship at Dodger Stadium. So last night we saw Korea CRUSH Venezuela 10-2. And the winner of tonight's USA v. Japan game will play Korea for the championship. I'll be wearing my red, white and blue jump suit. Anyhow, it was a really great game to be at because it felt like a cultural experience. The Korean population far outweighed any other group so it felt like a home game being played in Korea to some extent.

And while feeling as though I was immersed in the middle of a foreign country while in my own backyard was a lot of fun, one of my favorite parts of the game was conversing with the older couple sitting next to me. They were probably in their late 60s and as we talked I learned they were originally from New York (though their accents gave that away early on). At one point the two of them were arguing over the aesthetics of Dodger Stadium. The husband was talking about how beautiful and classic it was, and the wife was talking about how ugly it was. I chimed in at some point, talking about how much I love Dodger Stadium. I ended my point saying something along the lines of, "Dodger Stadium is the best looking stadium in all of baseball." It then got quiet for a few seconds and I assumed they either didn't hear me or stopped listening. Then after a few more seconds passed the woman leaned in close to me and said, "If you wanna get to Heaven you better stop saying things like that. I'm a Yankee fan." Oh man how I laughed. She then spent some time telling me about how she saw some of the most historic players in Yankee (and baseball) history play at Yankee Stadium as she grew up. Very cool to listen to. I conversed with the two of them throughout the game and they were hilarious. They kept bantering with one another and had a bunch of funny one liners. But the funniest thing either of them said came when Dae Ho Lee came up to bat for Korea. The woman tapped me on the arm and said, "He looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid!" I looked up and she was absolutely right, wouldn't you agree?

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Since my job allows me to spend an insanely ridiculous amount of time on the internet, I came across an online school newspaper from a Junior College in Northern California the other day. So I read some of it's articles. Now, I don't consider myself a cruel guy. And I don't consider myself a critical guy. But damn if I had no choice but to be cruel and critical of some of these articles. People, they were SO bad. Almost unbelievably bad. It was painful for me to read and I was embarrassed for the writers. It literally made me cringe. It was like a train wreck; I wanted to stop reading, but I just couldn't draw my eyes away from the discombobulated combination of words I was seeing on the screen in front of me. So in case you haven't caught my drift yet, this shit was bad.

All that said, I'm no writer. I always struggled as a writer and I don't do a whole lot of it these days, so I'm not really one to talk. But these articles seriously reminded me of how I would've written when I was in 5th grade. Then that got me thinking.....I still have some of my work from 5th grade! I dug around my room and found an old newsletter from 5th grade that I did quite a bit of writing for. I was the student body president (as a side note, I became president because I gave a speech where I spoke like Forrest Gump...he was all the rage those days so I have him to thank for my victory) and the newsletter was put out by the student council, so I guess one of my responsibilities was to write a bunch of the articles for the newsletter. Anywho, I thought it would be fun to share a few of these articles with you just to give you an idea of what I went through reading this newspaper I came across. So without further adieu, here are my excerpts from Lomita Math/Science Magnet's newsletter The Leopard Times:

Hello students and teachers. I hope you all have had a good school year so far. I sure have. We will be having a student store. We may be selling things like: Lomita pee-chee folders, Lomita pencils, pencils for the holidays, and more. I hope you had a fun and safe Halloween. So good luck to you and have a great year!

I'm glad I felt the need to discuss multiple topics in one paragraph. And my transitions from one topic to the next are freaking solid! Also, I'm glad I was sure to tell everyone that my school year was off to such an amazing start. Of course my school year was off to a good start, I won the freaking presidency! Just had to rub it in though, didn't I? Nice one Kevin...you douche. I'm just surprised I didn't let everyone know how amazing my Halloween was after wishing everyone a "fun and safe" one. 'Cause if I remember right, that was one crazy-ass Halloween....those Lomita girls......woo, they knew how to party.....

This next article was titled D.E.A.R.:

DROP EVERYTHING AND READ is a new thing this year. We hope boys and girls will become more interested in reading because of D.E.A.R. At 8:50 to 9:00 AM everyone is to drop everything and read. This is a great program for everyone.

You know who this is a great program for?? The teachers who get 10 minutes of not having to teach! How freaking awesome for them! 10 less minutes of teaching us roman numerals and long division, I'd take that any day. And wow, how about my first sentence? "A new thing this year"!? I couldn't come up with a better description for this program other than thing?! How about "program"?! I mean, I managed to describe D.E.A.R. as a program at the end of the article, just didn't quite come to me at the beginning I guess....

One more for you, and I won't give any stupid commentary afterward. All I can say is I have no idea how this didn't get me beat up. Here's Uniforms:

We here at Lomita are now wearing uniforms. We think that the uniforms will help us to wear proper clothing. The uniforms are blue and white. We really think that this is going to work in a positive way.

Conversations with Grandma....

I had the best conversation with my grandma today. I'll transcribe it here but there a few things to know before reading. First, my grandma is awesome and I love her to death (though I don't know many people who don't love their grandma to death). But sadly she's been dealing with Alzheimers and I actually had a variation of this conversation with her 2 or 3 times after the initial one. It's kinda sad, but there are some advantages to it. I mean, we never run out of conversation. And it gives me a chance to get the conversation right in case I feel like I didn't nail it the first time. But the first variation of this particular conversation was gold! Secondly, it helps to know that Danny (who is mentioned in this conversation) has been my best friend since first grade...oh and he likes boys. Knowing that he's gay makes a difference. So with that said, enjoy!

Grandma: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No, not at the moment.
Grandma: Why not? You don’t want one?
Me: No, I think it’s more that a girlfriend doesn’t want me.
Grandma: Oh Kev! Well you’re a good kid.
Me: Thanks grandma.
Grandma: And how’s Danny doing?
Me: He’s doing really well. He always asks about you.
Grandma: Oh, he's such a good kid! And how about Danny, does he have a girlfriend?
Me (trying not to laugh): Nope, he doesn’t either.
Grandma: Oh, that’s right, he’s like you!
(Oh, he’s like me in more ways than you know Grandma.)
Me (w/ a smile): Yeah, we just hang out together a lot.
Grandma: Oh, I’m so glad you two are together, you’re so good for each other. And you're both such good kids!
Me: Yeah, we’re just waiting for Prop 8 to get overturned then we’ll invite you to the wedding.

Everything but the last line of that conversation was actually said. Oh grandma....