Dang Bird, What Did You Eat?!

I mean, c'mon!! Seriously! How big of a bird must THAT have come from?? At least I wasn't anywhere nearby when it happened, like this poor kid. But I have a few suspects in mind. Like him. All eight-feet two-inches of him. Or this guy. Or I guess I shouldn't rule her out. She's done some serious damage in the past. Oh well, regardless, I'm gonna go find a birds nest and take a dump in it to get my revenge. Pictures to follow.

Straight From The Diaper To Your Computer!

I promised pictures from the Mud Run, didn't I? Don't remember that? Read this. But I bet no one was holding their breath for that. It's funny 'cause pretty much anyone who reads this blog is already friends with me on Facebook and there are a bunch of Mud Run pictures posted on there, so I feel it's a bit repetitive to post them here. But I'm just gonna go ahead and live in my little fantasy world where I imagine that tons of random internet perusers stop by my blog and read the insanely interesting stories that are my life. They just choose not to follow or comment on my blog. Anywho, the Mud Run was crazy fun! I was definitely excited beforehand but I had no idea I'd enjoy prancing around a bunch of mud pits as much as I did. I'd highly recommend participating in a mud run if you ever get the chance. So here's a few pics for you mo fo's!

The Muddy Runs, diapers and all! And those things held the mud like crazy! We're seriously looking into having Depends sponsor us next time.

My cousin Stevie and I stopped to pose for this pic mid-race. I call it "Muddy Cuzzie Wuzzies." God, and I wonder why I don't have a girlfriend.

I can't remember if this one was before or after the race. And by the way, that's not mud in my hand, that's poo.... from my diaper.

Idaho: Producing More Than Just Excellent Potatoes

So the lovely young ladies who were nice enough to let me put my arms around them in the picture to the right are Kelsey and Kat, both originally from the bizarrely shaped state of Idaho. Kelsey discovered this here blog a few weeks ago after hearing me talk about ChatRoulette on Loveline. I guess she thought it was cool that I spent so much time looking at penises on the internet. So I thanked her for following my blog and we then exchanged a few emails. I found out her and her sister (Kat) were coming down to LA for a few days, so I invited them into Loveline. And they came! So they took this sweet picture with me along with some WAY cooler pictures with hosts Psycho Mike & Dr. Drew as well as guests Seth Binzer and GEORGE FREAKING CLINTON while hanging out in the Loveline studios. Mike was especially impressed with me for bringing in such attractive young women. In fact you can hear him say this on air here:

But it was very cool to bring them in because they were fans of the show and were REALLY, REALLY cool human beings. And I was lucky enough to spend time with them outside of Loveline while they were in town as well. We beached it up, cruised the streets of LA, paid $4 to park at In 'n Out and tried to figure out how to spell gonorrhea. Fun times for sure. I'm quite fortunate to have found the two coolest girls to come out of Idaho and even fortunater to have spent some time with them this past week. (Yes I know 'fortunater' is not a word, but I sure used it didn't I?)

So the moral of this story? Tell me you like my blog and I'll bring you into Loveline, chauffeur you around LA and be your friend forever.

Diapers & Condoms: The Winning Combo!

So I'll be running in the Irvine Lake Mud Run this coming Saturday with my sister, cousins and a bunch of friends. If you're not familiar with the Mud Run, it's a 3.8 mile race at Irvine Lake in Orange County and the course basically is inundated with mud pits and obstacles throughout. Which sounds awesome! So our team signed up a few months ago and we've named ourselves The Muddy Runs.....it's funny 'cause it means diarrhea. So we, The Muddy Runs, decided that we want to come into this run with a fury and make ourselves known. And we figured what better way to do that than by running in diapers, just to really emphasize the whole diarrhea thing. So we're all wearing diapers and matching wife beaters decorated with our team name written in puffy paint (pictures to come after the run) and I'm WAY exctied, but before this all can happen, we had to get our hands on some diapers.

So my sister Erica and I went around town yesterday looking for diapers, which honestly is a whole 'nother story. We went to about 5 or 6 different stores before finally finding the perfect diaper at Target. They're adult sizes covering 28"-44" waists and most impotantly, they're adjustable! So we all should have no problem fitting into them. But I couldn't help but notice that the adult diapers were conveniently placed in the same aisle as the the tampons, Vagisil, feminine douches and sprays, KY jellys, lubes and condoms. - Condoms! At first, I thought maybe this made sense. I mean condoms are designed to prevent the leakage of a substance much in the same way diapers and tampons/pads are, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how out of place they were. Here we were in an aisle FILLED with items that are pretty much only bought by women (unless you're an awesome boyfriend who picks up lady-items for your lover) and there were the condoms; an item that's literally only worn by men. That would be like putting vibrators in the same aisle as ... well, condoms! And other male items. I mean, I get that women are an integral part of condom use (at least in heterosexual relationships) but I'd like to think that more men are purchasing condoms than women. So shouldn't the condoms be in like, the male razor aisle with all the after shave and guy deodarant and all that stuff? Why wouldn't they be there?! So now I'm questioning which gender purchases condoms more frequently. And have there been studies on this?? I'm sure there have, but what are the results? I mean, I'd give my own experiences with this, but seeing as sex is a prerequisite to condom buying, I have nothing to contribute. Oh God, now I'm depressed. I was in such a good mood too.

*EDIT*

I put together a little video of The Muddy Runs preparing their outfits for the Mud Run after originally posting this blog. Check it out here.