Thing I'll Never Get: #3 UFC

(This is the third entry of a countdown of the Top 5 Things I'll Never Get.)

UFC:

I know they say that man has some kind of primal urge to fight other men and in turn they have the same desire to WATCH men kick the crap out of other men. But what about women?? And what about men who were born with a testosterone deficiency, such as myself?? Did “they” forget about us?? I’m sorry but I can think of nothing less entertaining than watching two men whom I know nothing about beat one another senseless. I have absolutely zero desire to witness this. I don’t even like bar fights. I just get annoyed and uncomfortable. So why deliberately re-create those feelings by watching these UFC fights?? UFC has just been popping up on the mainstream a lot recently and while I’m sure those involved with the sport are thrilled, I just fail to see how others get excited about it. Again, my masculinity is probably about 10 times lower than that of the average man, so that might explain some of it. But it’s just hard for me to fathom how people get so much joy out of watching this sport. Do people think that they have to prove their worth as a human being by showing how much of a beating they can take? I hope not, ‘cause if that’s true, I’m screwed. If I accidentally stub my toe on my way up the stairs, I’m down for the count for the rest of the day. I might even need two days depending on how hard I stub it. But, if UFC fighting is something you do enjoy, more power to you. Though actually, you don’t get that “more power” from me until you let me watch someone beat the crap out of you. Then you’ll be proven to me. That’s just the rules, sorry.

Things I'll Never Get: #4 Mainstream Hip Hop

(This is the 2nd entry of a countdown of the top 5 things I'll never get.)


MAINSTREAM HIP HOP:


Maybe it's because I'm white. But I don't think that's it because I know a lot of white people who are into crappy hip hop. And I also don't think that's the case because I do enjoy GOOD hip hop. Give me The Roots or Jurassic 5, or even some of the classics like Dr. Dre or Snoop or The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff; I'm all good with that. I just can't stand the crap on the radio today. All the Lil' Waynes and Lil' Jon's and Lil' Bow Wow's. I just can't get how people actually find a way to support their music. It's all the same and it's all REALLY bad! I'm generalizing a bit here but it seems like every mainstream hip hop song either deals with drinking, women, gambling, shooting people or all of the above. Granted, a lot of people like to do these things; especially shooting people. But I just can't understand how the people who listen to this music fail to see that every song is EXACTLY the same! Even the decent hip hop artists like Jay-Z or Eminem who tend to have more diverse song subjects will still release the good old fashion drinking in the club with half naked women song every now and then. It sells, I get that. I just don't get why it sells. Why are you bad America?

Things I'll Never Get: #5 Crime Dramas

I've decided to make a list of five things that I'll just never get. Well, actually I decided to make a list of a shit load of things I'll never get, but I've narrowed it down to the top five just for you! These are things that are moderately to immensely popular and I lack the ability to wrap my head around why they're as popular as they are. So with that said we'll get right into it with number five!

CRIME DRAMAS:

I get the appeal. I do. There's a mystery presented at the beginning of the show that gets solved at the end. And viewers almost have no choice but to keep watching to find out who the murderer is, or how the hooker died, or whether the drug dealer had ANYTHING to do with the murder. It's captivating stuff. But what I will never understand is WHY WE NEED 30 DIFFERENT CRIME DRAMAS ON EVERY SINGLE MAJOR NETWORK!!! I mean really now, they're good, but they're not THAT good. You've seen one and you've seen 'em all, so why do so many people watch so many different variations of the same freaking show?! And I feel like every week there's a new one popping up. CSI, NCIS, Law & Order (which I'm surprised they're not calling "L&O" just to fit in), Without a Trace, Criminal Minds, That Other Crappy One That Happened To Be On After The Show I Was Watching Last Wednesday With the Bad Actors and Lame Plot Line (TOCOTHTBOATSIWWLWWTBAALPL, as it's more commonly known). The list goes on and on. I honestly can't watch any of those shows. Maybe it's partly because my ex-girlfriend used to make me watch HOURS of Law & Order with her back in the day. I mean, I once saw Ice T knock out like 7 rapists in one day thanks to her. But regardless of how good or bad these shows are, there's absolutely no need for the amount of crime dramas on TV right now. In fact, I think I'm going to start a petition to get rid of some. Oooh, I'll get to that in a second though, they're about to bust into the meth lab on CSI....