The Cure Guy

So I get funny/crazy/random/stupid/embarassing/sexy/bogus calls on the request line on a regular basis. And usually they're from casual callers who don't even realize they're being the previously mentioned traits. But over the past 13-14 months that I've been answering phones for KROQ I've come to get to know a number of frequent callers. These are people who call on a semi-regular basis whom I have been able to learn a thing or two about. I thought it might be fun to share some of these people with you. So as I become motivated to write I will share my favorite frequent callers on this blog, and I'll start today with:

The Cure Guy aka The Bjork/Siouxsie and the Banshees/Dead Kennedys Guy

The Cure Guy is probably the most frequent caller of all the frequent callers. I wouldn’t say he calls everyday but, while he goes on hiatus from time to time, it is rare that a week goes by without hearing from him multiple times. You may be wondering why we refer to him as The Cure Guy. Well let me give you a run down of a typical conversation with him:

Me: Hello KROQ…
The Cure Guy: Hi.
Me: What’s going on man?
The Cure Guy: Do you have any news on The Cure?
Me: No, not a whole lot. Have you heard anything about them recently?
The Cure Guy: No.
Me: Yeah, well if anything happens with them you’ll definitely hear it from us.
The Cure Guy: Ok thanks. *click*

I couldn’t count how many times I’ve had that EXACT conversation with him. Now some answers vary from time to time. For example, when The Cure played Almost Acoustic Christmas (KROQ’s annual Christmas show) I did indeed have an update for him and I told him. But generally I will quickly Google or Wikipedia The Cure and tell him the most recent update on them. But regardless of what is said in the middle of our conversation, every single one begins with him saying “Hi” (this “Hi” is so distinguishable, as his voice is incredibly monotone, that we instantly know it’s him) and ends with him saying “Ok thanks” in a rushed voice, hanging up as fast as he can. I seriously get a visual of him saying “Ok thanks” and immediately throwing his phone to the floor as if it were hot or on fire or something like that.

Now every now and then The Cure Guy throws us for a loop and asks us about another group/artist. For me personally, Siouxsie and the Banshees is probably the band he asks about the second most, but some of the other phone-ops may have a different answer. He also commonly asks about Bjork and The Dead Kennedys. But it’s generally an 80s band. He REALLY threw me for a loop one time when he asked about Blink 182. That’s nowhere NEAR his typical genre. I asked him what his favorite Blink 182 album was and he said, “The one with Adam’s Song”. But wasn’t that every one’s favorite Blink album?

The Cure Guy is the most mysterious caller of all. He clearly has some sort of mental disability, or at least is just SEVERELY socially awkward. If he is not provoked into conversation, he simply sticks to his questions about The Cure. And while I enjoy the mystery, I have asked him a few questions about himself and have found he’s kind of pleasant to talk to. He always calls from a 210 area code, which a simple Google search reveals is the San Antonio, TX area. So I asked him if that’s where he calls from and sure enough it is. I asked how he knows about KROQ and he said he used to live in LA. It’s difficult to get details out of him, so I don’t know when or why he lived in LA. But I have asked him if he has plans to move back (because he says San Antonio is too hot) and he said no because he doesn’t like LA very much. I don’t remember exactly how it came up, but he one time referenced that he was going to school in Texas. I think he mentioned school because he told me was too lazy to go to class that morning and slept in instead. Turns out he goes to culinary school in San Antonio. I asked him what he likes to cook and he said, “I don’t know.” But he says he enjoys it and I told him he should cook us something and send it over to us. I’m not so sure how that would work out but he said he would.

The Cure Guy rarely shows any emotion, but that changed the time I told him that I met Robert Smith (The Cure’s lead singer). I got to help Kat Corbett (one of KROQ’s DJ’s, and a super fox) record a private interview with him in their dressing room backstage at Almost Acoustic Christmas. When I told this story to The Cure Guy, I heard more excitement in his voice than ever before. He let out a legitimately shocked “Really?!”. And as I told him the story, he actually had follow up questions and remarks like, “What was he like?”, “Who else was there?” and “That’s awesome!”. I couldn’t believe it. I was almost more excited to be getting this out of him than I was when I was sitting 5 feet away from Robert Smith. I felt rather accomplished after that conversation and I’ve noticed that he has been recognizing my voice ever since then. I actually asked him the other day if he recognizes my voice when he calls or if he just thought he was talking to different people every time and he told me he did recognize me. So I asked if he wanted to know my name or if he liked not knowing who I was and he said “sure”. I wasn’t sure which question the “sure” was answering, so I just told him my name (well, I told him my KROQ name at least, Gouda). He hasn’t called me by name once though, but I can still tell that he recognizes my voice by the way he talks to me. I honestly think he kind of likes when I answer and actually engage him in conversation because I doubt he is often engaged in conversation with people.

If I had one wish for The Cure Guy it would be that he gets to meet The Cure and have casual sexual intercourse with them. Dreams can come true.


***EDIT***
Today (2/13/09) I had what was undoubtedly the best conversation I've ever had with The Cure Guy, and it goes as follows:

Me: KROQ…

The Cure Guy: Hi.

Me: Whats going on today?

The Cure Guy: Nothin. So, Blink 182 are getting back together?

Me: Yeah, did you see them make that annoucnement on the Grammys?

The Cure Guy: No, I didn't watch the Grammy's.

Me: Oh, so how did you hear about it?

The Cure Guy: I called you guys. You told me.

Me: Haha, oh that's right! Sorry, I forgot I already told you about that.

The Cure Guy: Yeah. So are they putting out a new album?

Me: Yeah, their website says they're recording.

The Cure Guy: Cool.

(Tyler (fellow phone-op) in the background): Ask him to tell you a joke.

Me: Hey my friend wants to hear a joke, do you know any good ones?

The Cure Guy: Yeah. How long is a Chinaman?

Me: How long is a Chinaman…hmm….how long?

The Cure Guy: No, that's his name. How-long.

Me: (laughing hysterically not only because the joke was kind of funny but because I did not expect anything even remotely funny to come out of his mouth (though I wouldn't say I endorse the term 'Chinaman')) Wow, that’s actually really funny.

The Cure Guy: Yeah. Ok talk to you later.